Conflict Management / Difficult conversations
How to Stop a Conversation Meltdown
Conversational disasters are more reversible than they feel. Here are s6 things that can halt, and sometimes reverse, a conversation meltdown:
(1) Own your part.
Take responsibility for your actions, as in,
“I’m getting loud and aggressive. I’m sorry. I don’t want this to be a competition.”
(2)Offer safety.
Say something like, “I am committed to making this work for both of us.”
(3)Point out the default future.
Say, “I don’t like where this is going. I’m guessing you don’t either. Can we try a different tack?”
(4)Talk about rules.
Say, “Can we take a timeout? Perhaps we could discuss some ground rules for this negotiation?”
(5)Change the pace.
A fast-moving conversation reinforces feelings of panic or threat. Slow it down.
(6)Refocus on agreement.
Say, “Can I pause for a moment and point out what we both agree on?”
Then enumerate common interests, beliefs, or histories.
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