What to Do When Communication Styles Don’t Match

January 02, 2014

What to Do When Communication Styles Don’t Match

When good communicators fail to actually hear each other, it’s often due to a mismatch of styles: to someone who prefers to vent, someone who prefers to explain seems patronizing; explainers view venters as volatile. 
Remember that your conversational partners do have something important to tell you – even if they’re not communicating it well. 

While they talk, focus on their left eye. Remain patient. 

After they finish talking, say to a venter, “I can see you’re really frustrated”; 
to an explainer, say, “I can see that you really had a lot that you had to say.” 

Then continue, with either type of communicator, to reframe the conversation by defining practical long-term, short-term, and ASAP follow-up steps. Handling the conversation this way will enable you to remain cool, calm, collected, and communicative.

Adapted from “How to Listen When Your Communication Styles Don’t Match” by Mark Goulston.