Start a Difficult Conversation by Focusing on What You Have in Common

Start a Difficult Conversation by Focusing on What You Have in Common

When you’re broaching a tricky topic with a colleague, your first few sentences can make or break the
discussion !

It’s normal to be defensive, and even to put blame on the other person, but implying that your
counterpart is wrong will make the tough conversation even worse.

Set yourself up for success by establishing COMMON ground between you and the other person.
State what you already agree on — where your goals overlap.

You might say “We both want to make sure our patients get the best care possible” or “We agree that the
new email system should integrate with our existing IT systems.”

If you aren’t able to pinpoint common ground, or you’re not sure what your counterpart’s goal is, the
easiest way to move forward is to ask questions.

Explain what’s important to you and then ask, “Is there any overlap with what you care about? Or do you
have another goal?” Questions like these set a collaborative tone.

(Adapted from the HBR Guide to Dealing with Conflict, by Amy Gallo )