Override Your Default Reactions in a Tough Conversation

July 03, 2014

Override Your Default Reactions in a Tough Conversation

In a difficult conversation, our default reactions can lead to unproductive outcomes. You’ll perform better in those tough moments if you’re conscious of how you want to react. Here’s how: 

(1) Know your defaults. Make a list of daily interpersonal situations, like meetings, conversations, negotiations, and conflicts. Then identify your default behaviors — interrupting, becoming aggressive, micromanaging, or jumping to conclusions.

(2)Plan your overrides. Before these challenging moments arise, envision how you’d ideally like to respond. For instance, if you want to overcome your tendency to interrupt, rehearse being a more active, engaged listener.

(3) Design your days. Self-control varies across a day and a workweek. Why schedule high-conflict conversations before lunch or at the end of the day? If your morning becomes unexpectedly difficult, reshuffle your afternoon to avoid letting a snide comment or criticism slip.

Adapted from “How to Override Your Default Reactions in Tough Moments” by Lee Newman.